Quran Garden

Session 238

Chapter 2

Verse 221

a continuation

Do not marry the women who associate partners with God until they believe. A believing servant-girl is better than a free woman who associates partners with God, even though she pleases and attracts you.  Nor give your women in marriage to men who associate partners with God until they believe.  A believing slave is better than a free man who associates partners with God, even though he pleases and attracts you.  Those call to the Fire, while God calls to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave.  He makes clear His Revelations to people, that they may remember (Chapter 2: Verse 221)

Take note of the accuracy of the Quranic text.  God started this verse by addressing the believing men directly and advising them not to marry disbelieving women.  Then, Allah advises women not to marry polytheistic men.  However, Allah used the expression:  “Nor give your women in marriage” in essence addressing men again.  Why, you may ask? Because in Islamic jurisprudence, the man –in this case, the father- is the guardian of his daughter and he has the responsibility to help her navigate marriage.  The father’s consent is a prerequisite for a proper marriage contact.  Allah, the All-Wise, did not address the woman directly, because a young woman may make life-changing marriage decisions based on her passion and dreams, while her guardian can see the bigger picture.            

This does not mean that the woman is not asked for her opinion.  To the contrary, the woman has the main say in her marriage, and she has to be consulted in regards to the proposal.  Her approval and consent are essential for a proper marriage contract.  The guardian has the responsibilities of weighing all issues, offering advice, and giving or withholding consent.  Then, the woman has the final say.     

Islam calls for the woman’s opinion, the father’s logic, and the mother's experience so that a proper decision can be made in forming a new family.  Every marriage conducted in this manner has a solid foundation and a real chance at success.  In cases where the woman does not agree to a proposal, it is not permissible for the guardian to force her into the marriage.

Many marriages have failed because God’s teachings were not followed when entering into the relationship.  Sadly, when these marriages fail, the parties often turn to Islamic laws to find solutions.  We ask: Why didn’t you consider God’s teachings when you entered into the marriage contract? If you knew better than your Lord at that time, use your knowledge to solve your problems now.  It is unjust for you to involve Muslim scholars to help you get out of a situation of your own creation. 

More importantly, if marriages based on un-Islamic principals flourished and succeeded, people would say that God’s teachings had little value.  Thus, problems had to occur for people to appreciate the values faith guides them to adopt.  Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him- said: “If a man comes to you in a marriage proposal, and you know he is of good faith and noble character, then facilitate the marriage.  If you do not, you will end up with widespread immorality and corruption.”  

This brings us back to the verse.  God says: “Nor give your women in marriage to men who associate partners with God until they believe.”  While the message of this verse is general, it was revealed to deal with a specific case.  Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) sent one of his companions -named Marthad ibn Abi Murthad- to Mecca to help evacuate a group of new Muslims.  While he was there, he saw ‘Anaq’ the woman he was in love with before Islam.  He said to her: “Islam has come between us so we cannot be together.”  When she repeatedly asked him to marry her; He replied: “I will marry you, but I would like to consult the Prophet first.”  Soon after, he returned to Medina and asked the prophet.  The verse under study was revealed.  God says: “Do not marry the women who associate partners with God until they believe. A believing servant-girl is better than a free woman who associates partners with God, even though she pleases and attracts you.” 

As for the part of the verse that states: “A believing servant-girl is better than a free woman who associates partners with God;” it is said to have been revealed in regards to Khansaa.  She was a slave-girl who belonged to Huthayfah ibn Al-Yaman.  She was very unattractive and had a dark complexion.  Huthayfah said to her: “O Khansaa, you have been mentioned in the highest gathering and God has included you in his Nobel book.”  After that, Huzayfah freed her and married her.

The verse continues: “Nor give your women in marriage to men who associate partners with God until they believe.  A believing slave is better than a free man who associates partners with God, even though he pleases and attracts you.“  Note the balance and equality in the criteria for both sexes in choosing a life partner.  The ultimate goal is the same: to build a family on a solid basis and to focus on values over everything else.  In other words, if necessary, you are advised to overlook some superficial and temporary matters –such as physical beauty or wealth- to secure a solid foundation for a healthy family.  Do not tread a path filled with roses while ignoring the long-term consequences of your temporary desire.  God says: “Those call to the Fire, while God calls to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave.  He makes clear His Revelations to people, that they may reflect and be mindful” The people who call to the fire are the people of disbelief.  As for God, He calls to Paradise and forgiveness.  Imam Ali (may God be pleased with him) said: “There is no good in any matter that leads to hellfire, and there is no evil in any matter after which is Paradise.”