Quran Garden

Session 239

Chapter 2

Verse 221

a continuation

Do not marry the women who associate partners with God until they believe. A believing servant-girl is better than a free woman who associates partners with God, even though she pleases and attracts you.  Nor give your women in marriage to men who associate partners with God until they believe.  A believing slave is better than a free man who associates partners with God, even though he pleases and attracts you.  Those call to the Fire, while God calls to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave.  He makes clear His Revelations to people, that they may remember (Chapter 2: Verse 221)

Let’s take a few moments to study the phrase “that they may remember.”  It is also translated into “perhaps they may remember.”  This phrase is repeated numerous times in the Quran.  What does it exactly mean? Remembering makes you recall an issue you already know but forgot due to negligence.  When someone mentions something that you have been careless about, you become alert and remember.  The tragedy happens when you neglect an important issue for so long that you forget about it entirely. 

There are two different types of remembering.  The first type is to remember what you had known before but forgot about.  Sometimes you may have to learn it all over again if you neglected it for too long.  For example, if you learned algebra in school but have not used it for a long time, you need someone to remind you of the rules of algebra, or you may need someone to teach you algebra all over again.  The second type of remembering is to start practicing what you already know.  For example, you already know that exercise is good for you, but you do not go to the gym.  When someone reminds you of the benefits of exercise, you get motivated and start going to the gym.  You apply your knowledge.     

In the verse under study, Allah reminds you of the values you should seek in your spouse.  Allah wants to protect you from making the wrong choice and wants to ensure that your family is built on one common faith.  If the beliefs of the two parents are in contradiction, so will be their actions.  When that happens, life becomes a corrupted mess with daily fights and struggles.  Simply put, marry a good-hearted believing man or woman, not a disbelieving one. 

If you are a believing man, you should not marry a disbelieving woman because she is the one who will bear and raise your child while you are occupied with work.  The child will look to his or her mother as the primary source of knowledge and the beliefs that she teaches her children will contradict yours.    

Likewise, if you are a believing woman, you must not marry a polytheistic man because, after marriage, you will move into his world, his family, and his relatives.  Your child will be repeatedly exposed to a polytheistic environment and to values that contradict your faith. 

Allah -the All-Wise, the All-Merciful- wants to protect your child from being raised in an environment full of contradiction.  He says:

A believing slave is better than a free man who associates partners with God, even though he pleases and attracts you.  Those call to the Fire, while God calls to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave.  He makes clear His Revelations to people, that they may remember (Chapter 2: Verse 221)

All this is specifically designed to preserve a healthy environment in which your baby is born.   

Here, we should stop and examine an important issue:  God has permitted the believers to marry women of scripture.  He says:  

Today all good things have been made lawful for you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful for you as your food is lawful for them.  So are chaste, believing, women as well as chaste women of the people who were given the Scripture before you, as long as you have given them their bride-gifts and married them, not taking them as lovers or secret mistresses. The deeds of anyone who rejects faith will come to nothing, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers. (05:05)

The scholars have two positions in the regards to a Muslim man marrying a Christian or Jewish woman.  The first position is against allowing this type of marriage.  The scholars argue that over time, the people of the book have deviated away from their monotheistic beliefs and associated partners with God.  Is there any greater sin than to claim a man as God or the son of God?  The second position the scholars took in this matter is to permit a man to marry a woman of scripture, but they advised to make sure that she believes in God as the only deity.  If the matter of disagreement is in regards to which prophet to follow, then there should not be a problem.  If the matter of dispute is ascribing partners to God, then the differences are dire and the marriage should not happen.

When a believing man marries a woman of scripture, she will most probably move to his place and will be surrounded by the Islamic environment of his family.  The father’s family influence may counterbalance the influence of the mother on her children.  But if the man fears that the children will be affected by the polytheistic values of the woman, then he should choose a Muslim woman as his life partner.  When the child is raised in a harmonious environment free of conflict, he or she will grow up with sound beliefs and self-confidence. 

Allah is reminding you of the enormous role of the mother in the child’s life.  A baby learns everything from his or her mother and passes through a period in which the mother is everything, and cannot be shared by anyone whether a sibling or even the father.   God says:

We have instructed man to be good to his parents. His mother bore him with difficulty and with difficulty gave birth to him; and his bearing and weaning take thirty months. Then when he achieves his full strength and reaches forty, he says, ‘My Lord, keep me thankful for the blessing You bestowed on me and on my parents, and keep me acting rightly, pleasing You. And make my descendants righteous. I have repented to You and I am truly one of the Muslims.’ (46:15)