Quran Garden

Session 237

Chapter 2

Verse 221

Do not marry the women who associate partners with God until they believe. A believing servant-girl is better than a free woman who associates partners with God, even though she pleases and attracts you.  Nor give your women in marriage to men who associate partners with God until they believe.  A believing slave is better than a free man who associates partners with God, even though he pleases and attracts you.  Those call to the Fire, while God calls to Paradise and forgiveness by His leave.  He makes clear His Revelations to people, that they may remember (Chapter 2: Verse 221)

Marriage is the basis of progress in life and the bedrock of a healthy society.  God has honored us and made us trustees on the land, and subjected all creations to our service.  He wants to ensure the stability and happiness of humankind. 

As we discussed earlier, what spoils life and creates conflict are the ever-changing whims and desires of people; thus, Allah wants you to build your family on a healthy social soil and a pure spring of faith.  This fertile ground will produce healthy offspring who will grow in an environment of harmony and love.  Therefore, it is imperative to choose the right person from which your offspring will come into being.

Allah starts with: “Do not marry the women who associate partners with God until they believe” because the woman is the cornerstone of building a family and a community.  If the woman is a non-believer, what will happen?  We answer that a mother will raise her children in a manner that reflects her values and beliefs.  The father has a role too, but it often comes later.  By then, some traits and habits have already been engrained into the children.  So do not marry disbelieving women because this corrupts your family system.  The mother’s actions affect the baby from the moment he or she starts to develop awareness.  A child spends the first couple of years in the mother’s lap.  As the baby grows up, so will the attachment to the mother.  Attachment to the father strengthens later.  So, if the mother is a polytheist and the father is a believer, the child will be introduced to faith well after being exposed to polytheism. 

Out of all creatures, humans have the longest childhood.  The length of childhood is often an indicator of the significance of the creature’s mission in life.  This is because childhood is the stage that prepares the creature for life.  Let’s, for example, look at the childhood of a house fly; it only lasts for a few hours because a fly has a short and straightforward mission in life.  As for humans, Childhood continues for a decade because humans are entrusted with a great mission and a heavy responsibility.  The prolonged childhood is needed to learn physical skills, language skills, social norms and moral values.  God says:

When your children reach puberty, they should ask your permission to enter, like their elders do. This is how God makes His messages clear to you: God is all knowing, all wise. (24:59)

So a child remains a child until he or she reaches puberty.  And if the child’s mother is a polytheist, then the child will be surrounded by polytheistic values for over a decade.  After such a long time, changing beliefs will be difficult.  Even if the child becomes a Muslim due to the father’s influence, it is often an overpowering influence, unlike the gentle ways of a mother.  Such faith has internal conflicts and deep seeded doubts.  God, the All-Merciful, wants the early years of childhood and youth to be grounded in faith, not conflict.  He says: “Do not marry the women who associate partners with God until they believe.”  In other words, do not set low standards for yourself and your family.  Adhere to the highest standards of God’s teachings.  He says: “A believing servant-girl is better than a free woman who associates partners with God, even though she pleases and attracts you.”  Allah is advising you that admiration for a woman which is not based on faith and morals is short-lived.  The physical appearance of a woman is temporary; so is the sexual attraction.  As years pass, beauty begins to fade, and only values and character remain.  Especially, when a woman bears children, her energy and time is fully occupied by raising her children and providing for them, and she will no longer prioritize taking care of herself and her husband. 

Marriage has to be based on firm foundations, not merely on physical attraction.  If you select a woman based on her physical appearance only to later realize that she lacks strong morals, you will live in regret.  You would have to endure an unhealthy marriage for the sake of the children.  Allah advises you to choose first and foremost based on faith and deed.  He says: “Do not marry the women who associate partners with God until they believe.”  God continues: “A believing servant-girl is better than a free woman who associates partners with God, even though she pleases and attracts you.”  The attraction God is referring to is physical admiration.  Allah advises you to put the everlasting values of faith and character over the fleeting values of physical beauty and social status. 

Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said:  “A woman is wedded for four reasons: for her wealth, for her beauty, for her noble descent, and for her pious adherence to faith; so aim to get the pious woman if you want real prosperity.”