Quran Garden

Session 251

Chapter 2

 Verses 231 & 232

When you divorce women and they have reached the end of their term, then either keep them in a fair manner or release them in a fair manner.  Do not hold on to them with intent to harm them and commit aggression: anyone who does this wrongs himself. Do not make a mockery of God’s revelations; remember the favour He blessed you with, and the Scripture and wisdom He sent to teach you. Be mindful of God and know that He has full knowledge of everything. (Chapter 2: Verse 231)

Allah issues a warning to men who are in the process of divorce: “Do not hold on to them with intent to harm them and commit aggression.”  Some men may pretend to be upright, while in reality, they want to harm and humiliate their wife.  Let’s take the example of a man who holds ill intentions and resentment towards his soon to be ex-wife.  He may say to his family: "I do not want to divorce my wife, and I would like for my family to get back together.”  On the surface, this appears to be an act of goodwill to preserve a home, while in reality, the man has no interest in reconciliation or normalcy in daily life; His true intent is to abuse the wife either emotionally or physically.  This is called ‘Dirar,’ and Islam forbids it.  You may recall that the name ‘Dirar’ was used at the time of the prophet.  There was a Mosque referred to as Masjid al-Dirar or the Mosque of Harm.  On the surface, it was built as a house of worship, but the builders had ulterior motives to use it as a pulpit to divide the believers.

God warns men against ‘Dirar’.  He says:  “Do not hold on to them with intent to harm them and commit aggression: anyone who does this wrongs himself.”  A divorcing husband should not fall under the illusion that he is only harming his wife by retracting the divorce for abuse; rather he is harming and abusing himself.  How, you may ask?  We answer that when you abuse another human being, whether physically, psychologically or financially, you move the Lord to his or her side.  Allah –the All-Knowing, Almighty- responds to the prayer of the abused, and comes to his or her aid in this world and the next.  By abusing others, you deprive yourself of God's help and set yourself in a position where God is your enemy.  Is there a greater injustice to yourself than bringing the wrath of God upon you?

God further warns:  “Do not make a mockery of God’s revelations.”  Allah’s teachings are meant to govern the movement of life in a fair and balanced manner.  Those who ignore God’s teachings, circumvent them, or pretend to follow them while doing the opposite are risking ruin.

The verse continues: “remember the favour He blessed you with, and the Scripture and wisdom He sent to teach you.”  God is reminding the Muslims of how His teachings transformed their society for the better.  Before Islam, women had no rights and were often inherited as property.  A man would divorce his wife and take her back tens of times with no repercussions.  A man would refrain from having sexual relations with his wife for months at a time.  If the husband dies, the woman would often be shunned by society and confined to her home.  Thus, prior to Islam fathers often felt ashamed when they had a newborn daughter; some would go as far as killing their infant daughters to preserve the honour of the family.  Now, with God’s favour, clear rights and responsibilities are set in marriage, divorce and inheritance preserving the dignity and livelihood of women and men alike. 

Allah is reminding the believers that before Islam, they were an ignorant, uncivilized nation; they worshiped idols and waged wars for the most trivial of reasons.  Then God sent a system that raised the Muslim nation to the pinnacle of the world civilizations within a few decades.  God says: “Do not make a mockery of God’s revelations; remember the favour He blessed you with, and the Scripture and wisdom He sent to teach you.”  The scripture is the Noble Quran, and the wisdom is the teachings and practices –Sunnah- of our beloved prophet Muhammad. 

The verse concludes with: “Be mindful of God and know that He has full knowledge of everything” as a reminder that all legislation in Islam are perfect because God is All-Knowing; He is aware of our needs and condition now and till the day of judgment. 

Let’s move to the next verse in ‘The Cow.’  God says:

When you divorce women and they have reached their set time, do not prevent them from remarrying their husbands if they both agree to do so in a fair manner. Let those of you who believe in God and the Last Day take this to heart: that is more wholesome and purer for you. God knows and you do not. (Chapter 2: Verse 232)

The phrase “When you divorce women and they have reached their set time” means that the waiting has ended, and this is not the third and final divorce.  At this point, the husband needs a new contract and dowry to return to his wife.  Let suppose that the husband wants to get back together with his wife, and he is ready to renew the contract along with a dowry.  Here, some of the relatives of the man or the woman may interfere to prevent the couple from getting back together.  They get in the way of reconciliation without taking into account the emotional connection the couple share.  Maybe the relatives are well-intentioned because they do not want to see a replay of old problems.  We explain to them: if the couple have agreed to return, then you do not have the right to prevent them from doing so.  God says: “When you divorce women and they have reached their set time, do not prevent them from remarrying their husbands if they both agree to do so in a fair manner.”

We advise parents who prevent their sons or daughters from getting back together with their spouses that they are overstepping God’s limits.  Divorce is meant to be a gradual process with clear steps that have to be taken in succession.  Do not ignore the Islamic system because you think you know better.  The wisdom of legislating divorce on three separate occasions is to give a fresh chance for reconciliation every time.  

Take note that the phrase " do not prevent them from remarrying their husbands” explicitly implies that God gave the marriage approval to the woman.  In other words, returning to the husband requires the woman's consent.  So, if the couple agrees to get back together and if they satisfy the condition mentioned in the verse: “to do so in a fair manner, then family members intending to oppose must stay away.  God says: “Let those of you who believe in God and the Last Day take this to heart: that is more wholesome and purer for you.”  We trust in Our Lord; He is the All-Wise, the All-Knowing, and the provider of all good.  Regardless of how bad the situation between the couple may be; regardless of what you think you know, always keep in mind that “God knows and you do not.”