Quran Garden

Session 245

Chapter 2

Verses 226 & 227

For those who vow abstinence from their wives there is a respite of four months. If they go back on their vow, then surely God is All-Forgiving, All-Compassionate.  But if they are determined to divorce, remember that God hears and knows all

(Chapter 2: Verses 226 & 227)

In the previous session we discussed how God had allowed the man to deprive his wife of intimacy and sexual activity for a maximum of four months when severe problems rock the marriage.  The four months period would allow ample time to set things right and solve lingering issues.  Moreover, if the underlying issues are solved, the man can reinitiate intimate relations sooner, even if that means breaking an oath.  Allah, after all, wants us to have the priority of compassionate, healthy family. 

But what if four months had passed and the husband continues to abstain from his wife? We answer that at that point the man would be a transgressor against God’s teachings.  He can be ordered by a judge to return to his wife or to divorce her.  If the husband refuses to do so, then the judge can force a divorce.  God says:

But if they are determined to divorce, remember that God hears and knows all

(Chapter 2: Verse 227)

There has been some disagreement among the scholars regarding the type of divorce forced by a judge when the husband refuses to restore marital relations after four months.  Is it a revocable divorce that can be overturned if the issues are resolved? Or is it an irrevocable divorce?  Revocable divorce means that the husband has the choice to restore the marriage if he chooses without the need for a new contract; while an irrevocable divorce requires a new marriage contract along with a dowry.    

We answer that in cases where intimate relations have been cut off for more than four months, the divorce is irrevocable requiring a new contract with a dowry if the couple decides to reconcile.  If a prior divorce had happened –meaning if the same couple has been divorced twice before the current problem- then this would be a third and final divorce in which the couple cannot remarry each other even with a new contract.  The only way they can get back together after three divorces is for the woman to marry another man via a genuine contract.  We say ‘genuine contract’ to discourage those who make a mockery of God’s teachings by entering into a marriage contract with another man and divorce immediately in order to go back to the old husband.  The ex-husband is only allowed to re-marry his thrice-divorced wife after he suffers jealousy of her marriage to another man.  God explains:

If a husband re-divorces his wife after the second divorce, she will not be lawful for him until she has taken another husband; if that one divorces her, there will be no blame if she and the first husband return to one another, provided they feel that they can keep within the bounds set by God. These are God’s bounds, which He makes clear for those who know. (02:230)

Islam is a practical religion that gives the Muslim couple time to calm anger and think through their problems.  Islam provides the man with tools to bring order to the household.  But it does not give the man a free-hand in discipline or allow him to be a tyrant at home. 

When you study the position of Islam on divorce, you find it to be realistic and appropriate for the human condition.  We are creatures of ever-changing emotions.  And while a couple may enter into marriage guided by love and physical attraction; these feelings inevitably wane with time.  Life will put the couple through situations that they did not consider at the time of marriage.   Once the sexual desire is satisfied, the man and woman may realize that there is little compatibility between them.  For example, the husband may find that his wife's ethics are lacking.  Or the woman may find that her husband is looking outside the marriage for other relationships.  We also see problems regarding greed and materialism where the wife demands more and more and does not care if the husband earns his livelihood form unlawful means.  Sadly, there are also problems of the man being physically or verbally abusive towards the wife.  Whatever the situation may be, a schism may arise that does not allow the couple to live harmoniously under one roof.  It is for such reasons that Islam allows divorce and set up specific legislation to manage life’s difficulties.