Quran Garden

The dowry is a woman's right in Islam.  However, we find that it often causes problems during the divorce.  In today's Tafsir, we will explain the dowry's role during separation and divorce and how some Muslim men abuse and coerce their wives for material gain.  If you or someone you know are going through a divorce, take a few moments to listen. 

Session 564

Chapter 4

Verse 21

How could you take it when you have been intimate with one another, and they have taken from you a most solemn pledge?  (Chapter 4: Verse 21)

If you consider all possible scenarios, you will not find any justification for taking the dowry, or even part of it, back from your wife.  Why?  Allah provides the reason, "How could you take it when you have been intimate with one another." We explained that the dowry is the value of this intimate union.  The word "intimate," translated from the Arabic (Afda), is derived from "expanse or space" as it encompasses all aspects of the relationship between a man and a woman.  Married couples share life in every way —breath, touch, closeness, sickness, the bathroom, kitchen, money, and children. 

In fact, Allah described the marriage contract as a 'solemn pledge' because it creates a bond that, in some respects, surpasses the bond between a child and parent.  If a father, for example, enters his daughter's room while she is changing her clothes, she would rush to cover herself, and he would apologize and immediately leave.  On the other hand, after entering into the marriage contract with the daughter, a strange man would have no issues seeing her in that situation.  The modesty she conceals from her father, brother, mother, and sister is revealed to the husband alone.  There is no greater union than this.  God says in the 187^th Aya of Surah Al-Baqarah,

On the night of the fast, it is lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives.  They are clothing for you and you for them.

Here is my message to Muslim men: If your wife is harsh with you at times, you might become angry.  However, remember that Allah permitted her to you in ways forbidden to others, and she entrusted her honor to you.  So, when she is in a lousy mood, recall the Prophet's saying: "The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family."

The phrase "solemn covenant" refers to the agreement between the two parties when you asked her guardian to marry her, and she agreed.  At that instant, a new family came to life.  Any contract between people in matters such as rent, trade, and defense is just ordinary, except for the contract between a man and his wife, which is a "solemn covenant."  Do you know of the other covenant Allah described as solemn?  Listen to the following Aya:

We took a pledge from the prophets- from you, from Noah, from Abraham, from Moses, from Jesus, son of Mary- We took a solemn pledge from all of them.  (33:7)

The marriage contract is immense, just like the covenant between God and the messengers.  Thus, it requires you to endure hardship with patience and treat your spouse with kindness.  

If relations become untenable, a man may choose to break the bond and move on but cannot take back a single iota from the dowry.  Why?  Because the dowry is the value of this trust and intimacy, and since this union has occurred, it cannot be divided over time or taken back. 

As a general rule in Islam, when Allah legislates, He, first and foremost, ensures rights and then encourages kindness and grace.  Listen to the following verse, as it perfectly highlights the distinction between rights and grace.  God says,

Give women their dowry as a gift, and if they remit anything of it of their own accord, then consume it in satisfaction and ease.  (4:4)

A judge appointed to a village held a public meeting and asked, "You have chosen me to judge the disputes among you, so what do you want from me?  Do you prefer me to rule with fairness or with something better?" They asked, "Is there anything better than justice?" He replied, "Yes, grace." Justice ensures everyone receives their due right while being gracious, which involves voluntarily giving up one's claim or part of it, resolving the issue, and fostering love in the village.  Hence, grace surpasses justice.  God says in the 237^th aya of Surah Al-Baqarah,

Do not forget to show grace to one another.  God sees what you do.

Let's look at another example where God's legislation guarantees rights first, then promotes grace among people.  He says regarding trade and debt,

Do not disdain to write the debt down, be it small or large, along with the time it falls due: this way is more equitable in God's eyes, more reliable as testimony, and more likely to prevent doubts arising between you.  (from 2:282)

Allah commands documenting debts not only to protect the lender's money but also the borrower.  When debt is documented, the borrower is less likely to deny it.  Similarly, without a contract, the lender may claim to have loaned a larger sum or ask for the money back sooner.  Allah's legislation protects both parties, but the Almighty also gives room to trust and grace.  The verses continue,

If you are on a journey and cannot find a scribe, something should be handed over as security, but if you decide to trust one another, let the trusted one fulfill his trust.  

(from 2:283)

The borrower might be a trusted family member or a friend where there is no need for a written contract.  So long as mutual trust exists, each party will fulfill the obligation and remain conscious of God.  If grace is permissible with money and debts, shouldn't it be even more so in the solemn covenant between a loving man and woman!?

The dowry is a woman's right, but it is not necessarily paid in full upfront; the husband may pay fully, partially, or defer if the wife willingly allows.  If the husband and wife separate, the entire dowry becomes due at that moment.  A man must fully honor a woman's rights, including the dowry, withholding nothing unless she willingly forgoes it.  This emphasizes the enduring companionship, affection, and mercy between spouses.  

Suppose that monumental problems arise between husband and wife.  If the woman desires to separate because she can no longer bear it, she may offer to pay to free herself from the marriage.  In such a case, she may present her husband with some compensation for her release.  God says,

except where both fear that they cannot maintain the marriage within the bounds set by God: if you suspect that the couple may not be able to do this, then there will be no blame on either of them if the woman opts to give something for her release. (2:229)

Take note that the woman's rights are preserved in all the discussions about divorce.  The wording always gives the wife the power to freely decide what to do with her dowry.  Thus, in the verses under study, Allah scolds those who pressure or coerce the woman.  He says,

Do not take any of her bride-gift back, even if you have given her a great amount of gold.  Would you take it by false accusation and by committing a blatant sin?  How could you take it when you have been intimate with one another, and they have taken from you a most solemn pledge?  (from 4:20-21)

The question "How could you take it?" is a rhetorical one that expresses astonishment at such a transgression.  Allah wants to preserve the family's dignity even during divorce so nothing disrupts or invites Satan's mischief into the household.

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