Quran Garden

Are you struggling with marriage problems and contemplating a divorce?  Today's insightful Tafsir dives deep into Verse 20 of Surah An-Nisaa, where we explore the divine wisdom behind marriage, divorce, and dowries.  Discover the best way forward when facing marital breakdowns, and listen to how a woman from Quraysh corrected the Caliph Umar.  Let's get started.

Session 563

Chapter 4

Verse 20

If you wish to replace one wife with another, do not take any of her bride-gift back, even if you have given her a great amount of gold.  Would you take it by false accusation and by committing a blatant sin?  (Chapter 4: Verse 20)

What should you do when marriage problems become overwhelming, even after treating your wife courteously and kindly?  When you can no longer continue in a way that pleases the Lord, do you stay and risk straying into the Haram and forbidden?  If the relationship with your spouse hits a dead end, you have the option of moving on to avoid falling out of God's path or mistreating your spouse.  But keep in mind that during the process of separation and divorce, you must act according to your faith.  Imam Hasan –the prophet's grandson- once advised a man regarding a suitor who proposed to his daughter: "If a righteous man proposes, marry your daughter to him because if he loves her, he will honor her and treat her well; if he dislikes her, he won't wrong or be unjust to her."

The phrase, "If you wish to replace one wife with another," indicates that the desire has completely shifted away from the first wife, and the relationship is beyond repair.  The risk of straying from God's path is high in such a case.  There are other scenarios where a man may separate from his wife without intending to remarry, as he may not have the sexual urge that may lead him down the wrong path.  In either case, what are the guidelines for the divorce?

God says, "If you wish to replace one wife with another, do not take any of her bride-gift back, even if you have given her a great amount of gold." The term "great amount" is translated from the Arabic Quintar.  'Quintar' is a unit measuring weight, which equals about 144kg or 317lbs.  Here is a brief history of the word: Before 'Quintar' was used as a unit for measuring weight, it was used as a unit for volume.  In ancient times, a sign of a person's wealth was when they owned enough gold to fill the skin of a bull with the cowhide serving as a bag.  This volume was called Quintar.  Later on, instead of using it to describe the amount of gold required to fill a bull's hide, people began associating it with the weight of that gold. 

Why did Allah choose the word Quintar?  This is an unusually large dowry!  We answer that Allah wants you to understand that the dowry you pay your wife –regardless of the amount- is not stretched over the duration of your relationship; instead, it's considered the value of the intimacy Allah has permitted you, even if only for a moment.  Do not measure the dowry by its amount or how long she has been your wife.  The obligation is complete from the first moment you have relations with her.

The Caliph Umar ibn al-Khattab once publicly addressed the unhealthy social phenomena of high dowries.  He climbed the mimbar at his mosque and declared that a reasonable dowry should not exceed 400 dirhams.  A woman from Quraysh objected and said, "Haven't you heard the Lord's words: 'Do not take any of her bride-gift back, even if you have given her a great amount of gold.'?" Umar publicly accepted the correction, acknowledged the woman's argument, and said, "All people are more knowledgeable than Umar.  Whoever wishes to give more from his wealth, let him." 

The Quran condemns even the idea of taking back anything from the dowry, asking: "Would you take it by false accusation and by committing a blatant sin?" Why?  Because it's the woman's right, not measured against an extended companionship, but simply the value of initially coming together.  To take anything back from the dowry –even a single penny- would be a sin unless the woman willingly consents. 

If you learned something new today, we invite you to join our community.  Hit the subscribe and bell icons so you do not miss any valuable Quran lessons.  In next week's Tafsir, we will explore how, even during divorce, Allah encourages you to be generous to your spouse.