Quran Garden

Session 256

Chapter 2

 Verse 237

And if you divorce your wives before consummating the marriage but after fixing a bride-gift for them, then give them half of what you had previously fixed, unless they waive their right, or unless the one who holds the marriage tie waives the right.  Waiving your right is nearer to godliness, so do not forget to be gracious towards one another: God sees what you do. (Chapter 2: Verse 237)

In the previous verse, we discussed the situation of a couple divorcing before the marriage is consummated and where a dowry had not been set.  In this verse, we look at a situation of a couple divorcing before the marriage is consummated where a dowry has been set.  In such case, the woman should not receive the entire dowry; she would only get half of the agreed amount. 

Here we should pause and study the difference between an order based on fairness and justice, and an order based on graciousness.  To explain this better, we can learn from a story: Two men went to a wise elder so he may judge between them about a disagreement.  They said: We want you to be fair and to rule between us justly.  He said: do you want me to judge with justice or with that which is better? They replied: Is there anything better than justice? He said: Yes, graciousness.  Justice gives everyone their right, but graciousness allows people to waive their right or some of it for the betterment of society.  

Therefore, when the All-Merciful issues legislation and sets the balances of justice, He does not deprive the faithful of the benefit of virtue.  Allah gives you the just and fair ruling, and then He adds: "do not forget to be gracious towards one another.’  Justice alone may be difficult on the soul, and often leaves traces of resentment or a desire to get even.  On the other hand, when one party is gracious towards the other, all ill feelings are extinguished.

Here you may wonder, how can being fair leave some people bitter? We answer that when two people are in disagreement, each one is convinced that he is right and the other is wrong.  It is possible that each party only sees circumstances that support his or her point of view.  Thus, if we adhere to justice alone, one or both parties may feel that they were robbed of their right.  There may be lingering doubt about the ruling.  But when the parties treat each other with virtue and grace –in essence voluntarily waiving what they see is rightfully theirs- everyone becomes content and matters genuinely come to an end.

This brings us back to the verse.  God says: "And if you divorce your wives before consummating the marriage but after fixing a bride-gift for them, then give them half of what you had previously fixed, unless they waive their right.” So the ex-wife has the option to pardon the entire half of the dowry owed to her, or part of it if she sees fit.    

The phrase: ‘or unless the one who holds the marriage tie waives the right‘ is referring to the husband.  Some scholars disagreed and said that the guardian –in most cases the father of the bride- is meant here, but the context of the verse actually refers to the husband.  Keep in mind that the woman’s guardian does not have the right to forgo the woman’s dowry or any part of it.  She alone has the right.  This money is a source of wealth and a provision for the woman so she can move on and be compensated for the expenses she put into the marriage; it is money that is earned rightly and free of any doubt.  That is why some women save their dowry for difficult times.  For example, when a family member falls ill, the woman uses part of her dowry money to buy the medicine.  It is considered lawful wealth that holds blessing within it.   

My reply to those who claim that the phrase verse ‘unless the one who holds the marriage tie waives the right‘ refers to ex-wife's guardian is the following: Why would God only burden the ex-wife and her guardian with the option of forgoing the dowry? It is only logical that both parties, the divorcing man and woman, have the opportunity to give more or forgive what is owed.  It does not make sense that the woman and her guardians can pardon, while the man is not encouraged to do the same.  I point to the last part of the verse as proof:  God says: “so do not forget to be gracious towards one another.”  Being gracious happens between two people; it can go either way, and it can be reciprocal where each party offers something in return.   

Then God advises: ‘Waiving your right is nearer to godliness.’  Isn’t it better to let go of all these material attachments and forgive? It is closer to piety and a wonderful way to cleanse the soul.  In such tough situations, remember God’s words: ‘so do not forget to be gracious towards one another: God sees what you do.’  Take note that Allah wants you to be gracious and courteous to others even during the severe disagreements of separation and divorce.  In other words, try not to hold grudges, seek revenge, or look to settle every score.  God says in the 216^th verse of the cow:

It may well be that you dislike something but it is good for you, and it may well be that you like something but it is bad for you. God knows, and you do not know. 

Always leave room for kindness in your heart.  Do not neglect the role of fate in your life.  God may have a better plan for you.  If you are angry at fate, you will open your heart up to hatred and resentment.

Allah concludes the verse by saying: "God sees what you do” to remind you that He knows what is in your heart, and He knows the real intentions behind your actions.  Islam should be part of your daily living; so do not separate the acts of worship such as the daily prayers and fasting the month of Ramadan from other obligations such as treating others with grace.