Quran Garden

Session 248

Chapter 2

Verse 229

Divorce is twice; then, the wife may be retained honourably with courtesy or released with good will.  It is not lawful for you to keep anything you have given them unless a couple fears that they will not remain within God’s limits.  If you fear that they will not remain within God’s limits, there is no blame in the wife ransoming herself with some of what she received. These are God’s limits, so do not overstep them.  Those who overstep God’s limits are wrongdoers. (Chapter 2: Verse 229)

In the previous verse Allah spoke of the waiting period and how the divorcing couple can get back together.  In this verse, God informs us of the act of divorce and its rulings.  The word divorce –translated from the Arabic origin ‘talaq’- has the meanings of departure, liberty, and the undoing of a strong knot or a binding contract.  This should alert you to the importance of the relationship of marriage.

Allah wants ease for us even in solving complex issues.  He permitted the undoing of marriage contracts in a way different from initiating the contracts.  Tying the knot in marriage requires a proposal from the man to the woman and her guardian –in most cases her father- and acceptance from them in the presence of witnesses.  Allah has advised us to choose our life partners carefully and to take the consequences of this relationship into consideration.  Think about your mate as the caretaker for your future children.  But the process of divorce is different.  Married life has its problems and stresses.  Sometimes, people get worked up and overreact.  A man may be unable to control himself and may divorce for a small and trivial reason only to regret it later.  God wants people to be patient and careful before undoing the knot of marriage.  Thus, He Almighty said: “Divorce is twice.” But most of us know that for a divorce to be finalized, it has to happen three times.  A man asked Prophet Muhammad: “the Almighty said: “divorce is twice,” how come we have to do it three times?”  He –peace be upon him- replied: “read the verse in its entirety.  God said: “then, the wife may be retained honourably with courtesy or released with good will.” 

Thus, the phrase: "divorce is twice" means that the man has the say in the initial two divorces, but after the third divorce, the choice is not up to him anymore.  Why? Because after the third divorce, the matter is irrevocable and the couple cannot get back together.  God says:

If a man divorces her again, she becomes unlawful for him until she has married another man. (From 02:230)

Here, we should address a common problem.  When a man says to his wife “I divorce you thrice” is it considered a single divorce or not? We answer that time is an essential element in the occurrence of divorce.  When a man divorces his wife, a period of time has to pass before he can divorce her again, making it two divorces.  Thereafter, a period of time has to pass yet again before the choice in this verse comes into effect: “then, the wife may be retained honourably with courtesy or released with good will.”  The verse makes the matter clear: A divorce pronounced threefold in one incident does not result in three divorces, rather, it is considered as one divorce.  The wisdom behind spreading divorce over three episodes is to give the couple ample time to reconsider.  If we accept a divorcing man’s words “I divorce you thrice” as legitimate, then there would be no chance for reconciliation; marital life would be destroyed in a moment of rage.  But the value of God’s legislation lies in distributing divorce over a number of incidents, so the couple would have a chance to review their situation.  Often the feelings of regret and the desire to return to each other prevail.  Moreover, a single incident of divorce is a tool that can help correct significant flaws in behaviour.  The fear of losing one’s family in a second or third divorce is a great motivator to tackle serious problems.  Allowing a man to issue divorce three times at once destroys the family and negates the wisdom of God’s ruling.    

The verse continues: “It is not lawful for you to keep anything you have given them.”   The husband must give a dowry at the time of marriage as a token for intimacy.  If divorce occurs, the husband is not permitted to take back the dowry.  God, however, made an exception in this matter; He says: “unless a couple fears that they will not remain within God’s limits.  If you fear that they will not remain within God’s limits, there is no blame in the wife ransoming herself with some of what she received.”  Allah –the All-Merciful- wants to give the woman a way out if she was the subject of harm and abuse.  God explained that the woman is allowed to ransom herself by giving some of the dowry money back if she is afraid that the man is not in observance of God’s limits.  It is discouraged, however, to increase the amount above the dowry unless the violation towards the woman is grave.

Here we recall the incident of Jamila, the sister of Abdullah ibn Ubay, at the time of the Prophet.  She was married to of Abdullah bin Qais.  She came to the Messenger –peace be upon him- and said: "I do not accuse my husband of any character flaw, any moral defects, or any violation of religion.  But I do not like to live a lie in Islam."  She meant to express that she did not have any emotional feelings towards her husband, and she was worried about not being able to fulfill his marital rights.  Jamila was afraid of being an ungrateful partner to her husband.  Prophet Muhammad enquired further to make sure he understood the underlying issue.  She said: "I looked at him coming in the company of a few men.  He had the darkest complexion, the shortest stature, and the ugliest face.”  The Prophet said to her: "Will you give his garden dowry back to him?" She said: “If he wants an increase, I will give him more.” He peace be upon him answered: “there is no need to increase, but return his garden.”

This event is an example of emancipation where the woman withdraws herself from the marriage when she fears that she would not hold true to her marital duties.  She can divorce her husband by paying him back an amount –typically the dowry- to protect him from loss.  He may want to marry another woman, and he may not have the means to pay a new dowry.  God says: “It is not lawful for you to keep anything you have given them unless a couple fears that they will not remain within God’s limits.  If you fear that they will not remain within God’s limits, there is no blame in the wife ransoming herself with some of what she received.”  Take note that God specified the “couple” in the first part of the verse, then said “If you fear” in the second part.  Logically, the verse should have read: “if they fear.”  Instead, the phrase “If you fear” is referring to the responsibility of the parents, guardians, and the community as a whole in helping families going through difficulty.