Quran Garden

Session 247

Chapter 2

Verse 228

a continuation

Divorced women keep themselves in waiting for three menstrual cycles, and it is not lawful for them, if they believe in God and the Last Day, to conceal what God has created in their wombs. In such time their husbands have better right to take them back, if they desire a settlement.  According to customary good and honourable norms, women have rights similar to those against them, but men have a degree above them.  God is All-Mighty, All-Wise. (Chapter 2: Verse 228)

In the previous session, we explained the wisdom behind God’s instruction for divorced women to “keep themselves in waiting for three menstrual cycles, and it is not lawful for them, if they believe in God and the Last Day, to conceal what God has created in their wombs.”  Under no circumstance should a pregnant woman in the process of divorce claim that she is not pregnant in order to marry another man.  Such a lie would attribute the child to the new husband and create many issues and injustices.  Here are just a few examples: the child will not be able to inherit from his or her true father; the child’s true relatives would be considered strangers, and strangers would be falsely considered relatives.  In the future, this child might unknowingly marry someone who is a close blood relative –such as a biological brother or sister- and so on.  As for the new husband, the child acquires illegitimate rights from him.  He or she would inherit from him and so on.  God says: “it is not lawful for them, if they believe in God and the Last Day, to conceal what God has created in their wombs.”  Allah wants life to be based on purity and honour where no one transgresses the right of another.  

The issue of concealing what is in the womb does not only apply to childbearing; it also applies to menstruation.  Why, you may ask? We answer that it is not permissible for a divorcing woman to conceal her menstruation in order to falsely put the man under the impression that she is pregnant.  This would allow her to prolong the period of waiting in hopes of getting back with him.   

God says: “if they believe in God and the Last Day.”  What do faith in God and the last day have to do with matters of pregnancy and menstruation?  We answer that there is a close relationship between faith and Islamic laws because pregnancy and menstruation are hidden matters that cannot be governed by law; thus it is the woman’s faith that governs her honesty in such private matters. 

Allah continues: “In such time their husbands have better right to take them back, if they desire a settlement.”  The waiting period gives the husband the right to reconcile, take back his wife, and reunite the family.  It is an implied part of the marriage contract that the woman should comply in such cases to preserve the family.  Thus, God used the phrase ‘better right’ because it supersedes the rights of others.  But in cases where the waiting period had expired, the woman and her guardians have the choice to accept or refuse.  A new contract, dowry, and consent is required.

Perhaps the most important issue to note here is that Allah stipulated that “husbands have better right to take them back, if they desire a settlement.”  Allah made the desire for settlement and reconciliation a pre-condition for the couple to return to each other.  Since intentions are unseen, this condition comes as a warning to the husband.  If the husband, for example, plans to bring the woman back into marriage to cause her harm or prevent her from moving on with her life, God Almighty will punish him for being unjust to her.  The husband has the right to return to his wife only if he is sincere in his desire to provide a healthy environment for a marriage.  Under Islamic law, the judiciary gives the man the right to go back to his wife regardless of what he conceals within himself.  But if he intends evil, then he will bear the heavy burden of his actions before God.  

The verse then continues: “women have rights similar to those against them, but men have a degree above them.“  What rights is the verse referring to? We answer that married life is a life of shared rights and responsibilities according to the nature of women and men.  There is the right of sexual intimacy which is equally shared between the man and the woman.  Each has the right to sexual intimacy, and the responsibility of providing sexual intimacy.  The man has further responsibilities.  He is to work, earn a living, and provide for his family according to his means; while the woman is required to provide a comfortable and peaceful home for the husband.  God says:

And among His signs is that He has created for you, from yourselves, mates, that you may incline towards them and find rest in them, and He has engendered love and tenderness between you. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect. (30:21)

The phrase “find rest in them” is translated from the Arabic origin “Taskunu.”  The root “sakan” means stillness -the opposite of movement-.  In other words, the man works and moves about to earn a living, then returns to his wife to rest.  He has the responsibility to provide, and the woman has the right to be provided for.  The woman has the responsibility of providing a comfortable home, compassion, and kindness, which the husband has a right to.  Thus, life burdens are distributed equitably; your rights are the responsibilities of your spouse and vice-versa.

The verse continues: “but men have a degree above them” which is the degree of authority and guardianship.  The degree of authority is something we need in all aspects of life.  Any meeting of a group of people requires a person to preside over and organize.  Similarly, any operation –regardless of how small- requires a person to manage it.  This authority –if appropriately practiced- is a heavy burden.  It is not a position to slack off, abuse, or dominate others.   

                 In fact, it is perfectly reasonable for a husband to follow his wife’s instructions regarding home duties and her personal affairs.  The woman has her domain, so does the man.  Aysha - may Allah be pleased with her- was asked: "What was the Prophet like at home?” She answered: “He was always in the service of his family.  He would milk the goat, repair and wash his garments and shoes, and he would always serve himself.” 

The husband has a degree above the wife because of his work outside the home and his responsibility to provide for the family.  God says in the 34^th verse of chapter 4:

Men are the guardians of women, because of the advantage Allah has granted some of them over others, and by virtue of their spending out of their wealth.

Here we should pay careful attention to the words Allah used to end the verse.  He says: “God is All-Mighty, All-Wise.”  Within these terms is a warning to men.  How, you may ask? We answer that Allah is the creator of men and women, and Allah takes care of His creation without discrimination.  He is the All-Wise, and through His wisdom, he allocated rights and responsibilities.  He granted men a degree over women through their spending, and their authority to manage the family unit.  However, the man must always keep in mind that God is the Almighty who cannot be overcome.  If the man abuses his authority or abuses his wealth to degrade and humiliate his wife, God –the Almighty- will retaliate for the woman.  If the man practices his degree above the woman to be a tyrant, then Allah –the Almighty- has ultimate power and authority.  Similarly, if the woman abuses her responsibilities or considers her sexuality and intimacy as a favour that she can use against her husband, then God –the Almighty- will penalize her for her actions.